Dancing In the Shadows

-Original Fiction-

Currently Untitled Story

by Pookie

Chapter 1:

Even before it happened, I had always felt a strong link to the darkness. At first it was fear, but soon I felt comfortable in it. To me, a night that was pitch-black was something to look forward to. Of course all that changed… I’m not sure what I feel about being in the dark now… It’s not something I can describe in words easily. For you to understand it, you’ll need to know my story.

I am not going to bore you with my life’s story - my childhood was not that impressive anyway. Well…In a matter of speaking that is. I never knew my parents; they both died when I was but a child. I was raised by my aunt, and I still - and always will - call her Mom. The only thing I owned from my parents was for a long time displayed in my room, lying proudly on my desk. Those were the good old days. Before that fateful Spring…

I stared at the darkness above me, my hand slowly reaching towards the silent shadows on my wall. Maybe, just maybe, they would keep me company on this warm night. I sighed and pulled my hand back. Me playing with the shadows on my wall? Like that would ever happen…

I stretched my sore muscles and slowly rolled out of bed. Keeping my footsteps as silent as possible, I made my way across the room towards my desk. In the weak moonlight I could distinguish the long object I was looking for. With a smile, I picked up the sword I always kept displayed there and turned around to face the window. I silently pulled out the blade, letting the scant moonlight reflect off it. Tossing the heavy sheath onto my bed, I slowly extended the sword around me, making sure I would not inadvertently hit the many objects in my room. Satisfied I had enough space, I shut my eyes and pointed the sword in front of me.

I forced my mind to clear and started moving the sword, slashing at invisible enemies in slow motion. I accelerated my movements, listening to the soft swoosh of the blade. My arms moved in a natural pattern, letting the blade flow through the air at increasing speed. If anyone had asked me what I was doing, I would not have been able to answer. All I knew is that with every swing of the sword my mind felt clearer, as though I was defeating my own demons. I could almost see the silver reflection of the blade through my closed eyes.

“If I took real lessons, I could be really good at this,” I thought with a small grin.

A smile formed on my lips as I finally lowered my sword. I hesitated to open my eyes, afraid I would break the moment, and so I simply stood there, alone in the dark, my breathing dispersing the heavy silence around me.

I finally opened my eyes and looked for the sheath. I picked it up and slid the blade back inside. I paused instants before re-sheathing it completely, my gaze fixed on my dark reflection. I smiled and put the sword back where it belonged. With a happy sigh I collapsed in my bed and quickly fell into a deep slumber.

Hours later, I slowly blinked my eyes open, angry at a ray of sunshine pointed directly into my eyes. With a mumbled grunt I turned around and glanced at my watch.

8:40 am

I closed my eyes only to snap them back open.

8:40?!

I jumped out of bed, quickly searched through my drawers and rushed to the bathroom. I was so late! I barely had 20 minutes to make it to class and it was a good 15 minute walk to school. Barely ten minutes later, I was running out my house, calling out a mumbled “Have a nice day” while trying to swallow my on-the-run breakfast.

I smiled as I breathed in the morning air, my feet running automatically towards the school. I was pretty sure I would make it to class on time. I was one of the best runners in the school after all - and that’s not just pride speaking. As I made my way around the corner, I came in sight of the school. It was a large white building, kind of ugly in my point of view: a big block of concrete that had nothing much to envy of a prison. Or at least that’s what it felt like sometimes, especially when it was a beautiful day and I had to sit down for an exam. I sighed. Today was going to be a long day. My head snapped up as I heard a loud ringing echoing through the courtyard. I crouched in my run and sprang back up, sprinting towards the building. Taking the stairs up two steps at a time I was able to make it to my classroom in record time.

I stopped suddenly in front of the door and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Shyly, I opened the door and looked inside. 23 pairs of curious eyes stared at me and quickly relaxed in smiles and soft laughter. I realized the professor wasn’t here yet. I sighed in relief and stepped in, laughing at how I had managed not to be caught being late again. Suddenly a heavy silence took the class and I froze. Everyone was staring at me, actually… more like behind me… I turned around only to stand face to face with my professor. He wore a small grin, the very menacing kind actually…

“Glad to see you made it to my class today, Kisho,” he said. I could hear small snickers behind my back.

I hung my head low, muttering a quick apology and made my way to my desk. With a sigh I collapsed in my chair. I wasn’t listening to what the professor was saying - I was trying to calm myself down.

Someone softly poked me, almost startling me out of my chair. I looked behind me to see a warm smile: Tsubame.

I had always known she had a crush on me, and however many times I told her I wasn’t interested, she never gave up. She smiled at me and handed me a small handkerchief.

“You’re all sweaty from your run Kisho-kun,” she whispered softly.

“Thank you Tsubame-chan, but I wouldn’t want to get it dirty.”

I saw the emotions cross her eyes and sighed. With a smile I took the handkerchief from her.

“Alright, thank you very much.” Her eyes lit up and she quickly returned her attention to the front.

I sighed and wiped my forehead, feeling an angry glare fixed straight at me. Knowing full well where it came from, I merely shrugged it off and didn’t bother answering it. That was the major disadvantage of Tsubame’s attraction to me. She completely ignored anyone else, especially Ichiro. No wonder he was so jealous and hateful of me… I glanced at the clock. It was going to be a very long day indeed…

My morning classes came and went with more ease than I had thought possible. I was grateful the afternoon came so fast. Today we had physical education: a fancy name that meant I would be able to run as much as I wanted. Apart from playing with my sword, running was one of the rare things that could calm my mind.

Now I don’t remember much of what happened that afternoon. With time, I was able to piece it back together from what I was told. Even then, I had to ask quite a few times to get my answers. It seems no one ever wants to remember the bad things. But how could I not ask what had happened to me? Now I know, and I can tell you.

I had been running my laps on the hard track that went around the soccer field. There was soccer practice at that time too. Ichiro was one of the best soccer players there. He had one hell of a shot: very powerful, very accurate. I should know… So anyway, I was just running, jumping over the occasional hurdles placed there. My mind was focused solely on the track in front of me, so I never saw it coming.

They said he had been looking at me coming around the goal posts. Ironically, they were practicing their goal shooting that day. When his turn came, he concentrated all his power in his kick. The ball flew at amazing speed and accuracy towards its goal. The ball barely grazed by the outside of the goal post. I bet everyone was disappointed he had missed. If only they had known… Ichiro never missed.

The spinning ball smashed into my face as I was jumping over one of the hurdles. Completely unbalanced by the shock while in the air, my body flew limply to the ground, crashing into the nearby hurdles. I heard someone describe my fall “like a broken puppet ripped away from its strings”. My head hit the ground hard, and the loud snap of the hurdles echoed in the field. As I lay on the ground, my mind completely disconnected from my body. I remember seeing someone running to me. It was a girl; that much I knew for sure, but it wasn’t Tsubame for once.

After that, everything became black as unconsciousness conquered me.

I woke up a few days later inside a hospital room. Pain was shooting through my arms and my ribs. I tried to open my eyes but something seemed to be wrapped around them. Slowly I raised my arms to my face, wincing at the sharp pain. I heard a shuffling noise around me followed by a gasp.

“Kisho!” someone almost shouted, their voice breaking lightly.

“Mom…” I whispered hoarsely, finding my throat dry. My hands touched my face only to realize a large bandage was wrapped around them.

Warm hands grabbed mine and pulled them away before I felt my aunt hug me tight.

“Oh, Kisho! Thank god you’re awake! I was so worried… The doctors said… you might not wake up…” I heard her voice break again and I knew she was trying not to cry. I tried to reach for her face and smiled as best I could.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.” She guided my hand until it rested on her cheek. “Everything is alright now,” I added.

I felt warm tears rolling down my hand.

“Oh honey…” she said before breaking down in soft sobs.

I heard another noise, a small shuffle of clothing and a soft whisper. Someone else was there?

Someone pulled my aunt away, whispering reassuringly to her.

“Who’s there?” I asked, my voice still not back to normal.

I felt the bed shift as someone sat down beside me. A warm hand rested on top of mine.

“I doubt you would remember me Ki-kun,” a feminine voice spoke.

“Who?” That sounded so familiar and I searched through my memories, trying to remember.

“You used to tease me a lot in kindergarten because I ran. And now I come back only to learn you’ve become an amazing runner.” Her voice caught a little, but it still stayed light and somewhat cheery.

“Mai!” Now I remembered. She was the reason I started running in the first place. But she had left quickly after kindergarten. Why was she back here now? As though reading my mind, she continued.

“My father got promoted back here, so we all moved back. Plus, your school has a very good track and field program.”

“You’re in my school??”

“Of course you dummy! I was there when…” she caught herself and her voice trailed off into a heavy silence.

“…It was you I saw running towards me wasn’t it?” I ask in a whisper.

“Hai…”

I wanted to ask more, but words were not coming.

The door opened and we both jumped a little. A loud, masculine voice addressed me.

“I’m glad to see you woke up.” His voice was hard, but still held a gentle note.

“The nurse is going to remove you bandages so we can see how you are doing, all right?”

I felt Mai move away from the bed. She probably went to my aunt who had been silent during out conversation. Someone helped me sit up - the nurse probably. I wondered how good looking she was. A small smile curved my lips as I waited for her to remove the bandages.

That’s about when I realized something was terribly wrong.

“You can remove the bandages now,” I heard myself say in a small, scared voice.

I heard choked sobs and knew both girls were probably crying, though my aunt seemed in worst shape.

A large hand held my shoulders and I turned my head to face it.

“Kisho, your bandages are off. I’m sorry son…”

I knew he was talking to me, explaining what had happened. But all I could do was stare up in the direction of his voice, my eyes blinking helplessly. Tears rolled out of my dead eyes.

I was blind. I would never see light again…

At that moment in my life, I can truthfully say that I knew hate. I hated the doctor, and I hated the darkness. Later, when I learned who had kicked that ball, I also hated Ichiro. My hatred was almost as dark as the world that now surrounds me. And it was all that drove me…

Chapter 2:

I cannot describe to you how it feels to be blind. It is not something words can fully explain. Everyone has played this game at least once in their life. You close your eyes and act like you are blind. Walk around the room, touching everything, trying not to stumble…That is not at all what being blind means. This game gives you an infinitely small idea of the pain that surrounds you. We as humans always take everything we have for granted, and we only realize their importance after they have left us. A game can end, for you are always aware in the back of your mind that you can open your eyes anytime. It’s your lifeline in a way. But what possible safeguard can you have when the darkness only grows deeper when you open your eyes?

For the longest time, my mind was constantly clouded by a dark haze… Nothing around me made any sense anymore. Not that it really mattered... I was vaguely aware of the people visiting my small room in the hospital. Voices were meshed into incomprehensible sounds, often quite sympathetic, sometimes quite distant. Once in a while, I was able to understand the doctor talking lengthily to me, but his words always disappeared from my mind as soon as he had left the room. I spent hours lying on my bed, alone, wondering where everyone was, only to hear someone walk in and ask cheerily, “Good morning, did you sleep well?”

I took a long time for the reality of it to sink in. Always my mind cried out this was just a nightmare. I slowly closed in on myself, letting the darkness of my eyes embrace my soul. I don’t remember being discharged from the hospital, but I do remember my first night back in my own room.

My aunt led me into my room and I could feel how hard she was trying to be strong for me. She never helped me more than was necessary. On the contrary, she let me do as much as I could on my own.

“I took the liberty of tidying up your room a bit,” she said, trying to keep her voice cheery.

Now, no guy likes it when their mom cleans their room, but I was past caring at that point. I merely shrugged a small “thanks” and made my way towards the center of my room. I sat on my bed with a sigh and felt an unfamiliar thin object roll by my side. My hand slowly reached for it and picked it up.

“I thought it might come in handy…” she said calmly as she took a seat by my side.

I rolled the object in my hand, running my fingers along its length before realizing what it was.

“This is a cane,” I said in a neutral voice.

“Yes it is,” she answered in the same neutral voice.

An uncomfortable silence descended upon us.

“Thanks. Can I go to sleep now?” I finally said.

She sighed and kissed my forehead. “Of course honey, I’ll be right here if you need me, all right?”

“Yeah. Good night.”

She stood up and walked to the door. I heard the soft sound of it closing as she wished me a good night.

I waited a few seconds, making sure she had left, and threw the cane away. It hit the wall with a sharp sound and rolled to the floor. I then realized I had thrown it in the direction of my mirror. Cursing softly at what I had almost done, I got up and felt my way towards it. I reached the wall but found no sign of my new cane. I ran my fingers along the wall until they hit the glass edge of my mirror.

I turned my head lightly, my dead eyes staring directly into it. A vague image shimmered in my vision. I saw my reflection: my short brown hair, with that persistent strand that I could never brush back… my bright smile, the one that for a while was dubbed very ‘attractive’... my light green eyes, that were infused with passion and joy, especially when I was running… I instinctively reached for the reflection, trying to catch it, to keep it with me. But as my hand touched the cold surface in front of me, the image in my eyes dissipated into darkness. I felt a tear rolling down my cheeks.

It was gone… I would never see my face again. All I had now was the memory of it…

My hands fell helplessly to my side, tears streaming down my face.

“Why?”

I felt anger and resentment boiling in me and slowly clenched my fist. I was not a narcissistic person. I had no desire of admiring myself in mirror all day long. But once in a while… there is something soothing about being able to see your own face.

Sharp pain suddenly coursed through my closed fist. Slowly my mind registered what I had done as I listened to the sound of glass breaking on the floor. I could feel warmth coating my fist. I pulled my hand away from the broken glass and looked at it. In the darkness that surrounded me I imagined the blood and shards of glass on my hand. I smiled and heard my voice, almost as cold as the broken mirror, “Seven more years of bad luck…” I heard my door open in urgency and the startled gasp on my aunt entering.

“…I can’t wait…”

Needless to say, quite a few things changed in my daily life. I dropped out of school and refused any form of home-schooling. What was the point if I could never read or even write anymore? I spent most of my days in my room or sitting outside. Sometimes the wind would bring me the joyful cheers of kids playing in the park…Those days I simply locked myself in my room. At first my old friends used to drop by and say “hi”. But my sour mood and their discomfort around me quickly brought those visits to an end…except for one stubborn girl: Mai.

I was sitting outside on my steps, basking in the warmth of the sun. A light breeze occasionally sent leaves into my face. I was listening to the sounds around me, my mind at a rare state of calm. The soft sound of a leaf being crushed alerted me of someone’s presence. The breeze blew a delicate smell of shampoo towards me.

“What do you want, Mai?” I asked, my voice calm.

“How did you know it was me?” she asked with a surprised laugh. She sat down by my side. I could tell she was in a good mood.

I merely shrugged. “Lucky guess… Who else would come and bother me here?”

“When did you get so grumpy?”

“Do you really need to ask?” My tone was a bit harsher than I had intended.

She sighed sadly but did not answer. After a few minutes of silence I started to feel bad about my behavior and asked as casually as I could, “So why did you come here?”

She clapped her hands, or maybe clapped them on her knees, I couldn’t tell. “That’s right! I did come here for a reason.” She stood up and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet. “Come on!”

“Hey!? What do you think you’re doing?” I barely managed to reach for my cane.

“You are going to accompany me somewhere,” she said, a mischievous note in her voice as she started pulling me down the road.

“What? Where? Why?” I tried to keep up with her pace, wondering if every step I took would send me plummeting to the ground.

“You ask too many questions,” she answered with a laugh. “You’ll know soon enough.”

She slowed down her pace a little and hooked her arm around mine. “Now don’t you worry about a thing.”

I looked away from her, toward the ground and mumbled softly. I was taken aback by her actions and did not know how to react.

I heard people calling out in our direction. Two maybe three guys asked her why she was walking around with me like that. I’m not sure how she responded, but they didn’t really bother us afterwards. My mind slowly registered what I was doing. I was walking down the street for the first time in weeks, my arm hooked around this girl. Vague images shimmered in my vision: the last images I saw before I blacked out. All I could see was a girl with short auburn hair running towards me. Is that what she looked like now? She used to have longer hair, but that was years ago. I tried to redraw her in my mind and never realized we had stopped.

“Kisho?” her voice sounded a little worried.

“Huh?” I snapped my head back toward the sound of her voice.

“Are you alright? You suddenly became very silent…”

“Oh… yeah. I’m fine.” I looked away and heard familiar sounds. “Where are we?”

“The school track,” she said as we stepped out onto the hard field.

“What?? Why in the world did you bring me here?” Fear and anger was clearly evident in my voice. This was the last place I ever wanted to be.

“I wanted to run… Don’t you miss it?”

“You’re not being funny…” I pulled my arm away from her and turned around. I stared around me in horror. I had no idea where I was facing or how to get out of here. My arm started trembling.

She gently touched my shoulder. “Kisho… please. Just walk with me?”

There was nothing else I could do. I was helpless out here on my own. I hated her for bringing me all the way out here. I mumbled angrily, “Not much else I can do anyways.”

She sighed and took my hand, leading me down the lane. We walked silently for a few long minutes. I was trying my hardest to ignore her and everyone else around. After a while we stopped and she let my hand go. “There, you walked around the entire track. Let’s go home now…”

And I just stood there, staring at the track that lay in front of me. I could almost see it… the orange dirt, the white lines… I knew it by heart. How many times had I run around it? I wiped away a tear that was threatening to fall and turned to face her. A small smile was on my face.

“Can we go around it one more time?” I asked in a low voice.

She hugged me tight. “Hai, of course Ki-kun.”

I went back to that field with her many times after that. Sometimes I would sit in the stands while she ran around. I soon became able to follow her progress around the course, or at least when she was not too far from where I sat…I was even there when she ran in the school tournament. But that is a whole other story in itself…

Chapter 3:

Everyone knows that when you become blind all your other senses become more acute. What people do not realize is that no increase in one’s hearing can make you notice where a wall stands in front of you. It does not tell you an object has moved or was replaced since the last time you saw it. I could not count the times I had hurt myself even while walking around my house. Even taking a drink out of my fridge was a challenge beyond other things. My aunt went to incredible lengths to aid me, placing things in set locations so that I could find them by memory. While helpful, this system could only apply to my house and I cursed my eyes daily for forcing me to remain there like a prisoner. I knew I had nowhere else to go regardless, but the bitterness still seeped deeper into my character.

Many hours I spent sitting in my bed, absently staring at what should be my window. The monotony of each passing day was driving me insane, especially now school systems started end of year examinations. Mai had not visited me in a few days, and while I accepted this, it did not help me pass the days faster.

With a sigh I slowly reached for the alarm clock by my bed and pressed the obnoxiously large button on top. A bland metallic voice suddenly disturbed the silence of my bedroom. “It is now. 3. 0. 4. PM.” The voice annoyed me to no end but I had to admit this alarm clock had helped settle my sleeping habits. Time looses its meaning so rapidly when every second looks as dark as the next. My aunt had started to worry when she heard me walking around the house at random hours of the night convinced it was time for lunch.

I leaned back against my wall with another sigh. Even if Mai were going to come by today, it wouldn’t be until much later. My eyes scanned around the room and I tried to picture the random items that would be there: my bookshelf, a poster, my window, my desk, the door, my nightstand. I knew every inch of the room by heart. What else could I do, right? I’d had enough time to memorize it…

Then a thought occurred to me and I jumped out of bed. I walked steadily towards my bookshelf and estimated its size. Maybe…just maybe…I walked back to my bed and started moving it across my bedroom. The noise of the legs scrapping against my wooden floor was unbearably loud but I stubbornly continued. Finally my back hit my window and I tried to move away enough to nestle my bed there.

And then something utterly unexpected happened. My body and mind, conditioned to remember exactly where every item in this room was located, suddenly panicked. My inner map had just been shattered. I knew my bed was against my window. I knew where everything was. But I could not move an inch. The back of my mind kept screaming at me not to move, telling me the wall was on the opposite side of my bed. A strange sense of claustrophobia overtook me and I sat down on my bed, panting.

This panic was extremely short lived however and soon I found myself lying on my bed laughing as hard as I could. But my laugh was in no way happy; it was bitter and angry. In that short instant I realized how such a simple change could destroy this tiny little world I had created for myself.

I heard hurried footsteps towards my door and knew my aunt was coming. I managed to calm myself enough to sit up the instant she opened my door. I heard what was meant to be a silent gasp as she took in my room. It never occurred to me that moving my bed could have scraped the floor, or pulled plugs and cords in a tangled mess, or made random objects fall to the ground.

“You could have told me you wanted to rearrange your room. I would have helped you…” she finally said.

“Of course, it’s not like I could do anything on my own after all,” I spat back, instantly regretting the words.

“…Well, since you seem to be handling everything so well by yourself, I will leave you to it,” she calmly replied. I knew I had hurt her but I could not think of anything to say as she closed the door behind her and left. I stood up and quickly made my way towards the door after her but tripped in some wires. In my fall I somehow managed to catch the back of my chair and brought it down with me. How easy it is to forget how close the ground really is sometimes…The shock of hitting my face against the ground was a brutal wake up call. My legs were tangled in a wire and the chair had smacked my arm painfully.

I felt so miserable, lying on the ground as I was, bruised and alone, and prayed my aunt would return to help me. I waited and waited, aware my fall had been loud, but she never came. After long minutes, I cursed loudly, tears stinging my eyes and rose to all fours. My arm was probably bruised by now and I was surprised I hadn’t twisted an ankle or anything else. I reached for the wire and slowly untangled myself. My mind was racing to figure out what this could possibly be. So I crawled along side the cable, trying to find its origin. My hands and knees felt the scratches that had appeared on my floor, along with random objects that had fallen off my bed. A pillow, some hard square object I believed was an old Rubix Cube, a pen… How could moving a bed have made such a mess? I was lost and confused and utterly alone. You cannot imagine how it feels to have a familiar and safe environment suddenly become remnants of a war-zone.

Why hadn’t she come to help? Yes I had been mean, but why didn’t she still come help me? I felt pathetic to be this needy for someone, but what else could I do?

I eventually figured out the cable was my phone and remembered how I had one day yanked the cables out and tied them to my bed so I would not trip on them later. The irony felt empty at the moment. I was so afraid of another stray wire or object on my floor that I crawled to where my bed used to be and huddled in the corner. It felt safe here, even in the absence of my bed.

I sat there for a long time, curled up in a ball and crying at my own uselessness. I was so cut off from everything around me that I barely noticed the soft knocking on my door.

“Ki-kun?” a soft voice called out.

“Mai…?” I whispered in disbelief. She had actually come! But I could not let her see me this way… “Don’t come. Just go home,” I called out to her.

“Oh come on,” I heard her say as she opened the door anyway, “Stop being such a…child…” I could tell the instant she saw the room and could almost imagine her expression. “Remodeling are we?”

“Shut up and just leave.”

I sensed her crouch beside me. “But I just got here…”

“Ok fine. Do as you wish. Why don’t you just make yourself comfortable,” I sneered, waving at my room.

“I think I will,” she replied happily and walked away from me. I heard the sound of my chair being set back to normal, followed by the scraping of my bed against the ground.

“What are you doing?” I grumbled angrily.

“Making myself comfortable. Your chair was in the way and I didn’t have a wall to lean against when sitting on your bed.”

Regardless of how angry I might have been at that moment, I still smiled at her words. I could hear her sit on my bed.

“You know, you should have moved your bed over here sooner, it feels much nicer here. That was a good idea you had.” She added after a few minutes.

I merely nodded at that.

I don’t think I could ever express to her how much she helped me in those days. She never made me feel helpless, and every time she helped me it she would always express it as something she wanted to do for herself, never as something she did to help this miserable blind boy. My aunt on the other hand was always either over-protective or extremely harsh and distant. But knowing my aunt, this was the only way I would have expected her to act and I was grateful for it. These seemingly small actions helped me feel like a normal human being and not some over-protected child without hope for a future.

-to be continued

Names

Kisho – one who knows his own mind

Tsubame – swallow (type of bird)

Ichiro – first son

Mai - brightness